Random post #271

When playing the first Max Payne, when you get into the elevator with the bad music, shoot the speaker. Max will thank you for it.

Tis the season, already

Is it wrong that whenever I see Christmas crap before the end of October, I feel the need to set it on fire?

It's My Cat In A Box

Not gonna get you a diamond ring; that type of gift don't mean anything. Here's a picture before we moved. I had posted a picture previously of Stinkbutt McJones sleeping in the rubble of his former box. After he had dismantled it, we found him another while buying booze at our local retailer. He liked this one even more. I only have one thing to say about sleeping in a box. "Get a job, Grouch."

There Goes The Neighborhood

Back on the scene, crispy and clean. That's from Blacksheep. The rap group. A long time ago. We have internet access again. At home, which means I won't get busted by the man again at work. Lots of crap has happened but I'm too lazy to write it now. Besides, I have to get back to the sweet embrace of the crypt; But I'll be back!

London Calling

We are about a week and a half into Sarah's trip to Liverpool. She is studying abroad and in the meantime I'm falling apart. I guess I could give a brief rundown of the events leading to Now Leaving Wichita, The Movie. We are moving to Emporia in August so Sarah can attend a Master's program. Since our lease was up in May, we have relocated to her mother's house. I kinda feel like the creepy 30 year old loser living in my mother's basement, but in my defense her mother offered and we just couldn't justify keeping our apartment for a $150 rent increase to go month by month for two months. But also in the quest to save money, we have also had to go without Internet. I'm typing this from my parents house and the dial up is a lit slower than I'm used to. So there is the reason for no updates. I'll try and keep up but it's still going to be slim pickings if you really have to know what's happening in my so called life. I've barricaded myself in our room until Sarah returns. I figure I have enough games to last me the duration. I recently beat God Of War which was awesome. It was like playing 300. The production was great. Well either way, there are still others to defeat and plenty of time to complete them until "turn that shit off!" is reintroduced. But in all fairness, I can't wait till she returns and look forward to it everyday, Yeah. (that's for you, Sarah)

Take That Dean Bitterman

So after years of exploding bra bombs and clipping the dean with her vehicle, Sarah graduated from Wichita State yesterday. It was a joyous occasion with very little streaking for a change. Now it's off to graduate school where she will ponder the greatest mysteries purposed to man. And while she does that, I will also seek higher education... At Krusty's Clown College. It's been my life long dream and I've always been a natural when it comes to pie throwing. But as stated before it was a joyous occasion and I'll have to post some pictures of it. But for now, here's a picture one of her friends took during the ceremony. Smile!

Oh, wait, that's not it. Here you go, my bad.

You're Going Up The River, Sawdust For Brains

So Paris Hilton is surprised she's going to jail. After getting stopped three times while driving on a suspended license. Three times. Let my black ass get stopped once for supposedly having a tail light out and I have to sit in my car for the better part of an hour as officers call for back up and run my license and plates. Never mind the fact that the light wasn't out. Her mom even had the nerve to complain that the system doesn't work. No shit. That's why it took three times for her to be in any real trouble. These rich assholes don't understand how many breaks they are given and still want to gripe about the lot that's cast. The bitch knew her license was suspended. She even signed a slip showing she acknowledged the suspension. But hell, what are you gonna do. Wynonna Ryder never even saw a jail cell after stealing $6,000.00 worth of merchandise. With her rich ass. Let me get caught with a candy bar I didn't pay for and I'll be sitting in a federal prison without access to a lawyer for supporting terrorism. I just better remember to plead the fif.

Update- That bitch was caught driving again, after she has already been sentenced to jail time for doing just that. I don't think the judge was off the mark when she said Paris had no regard for the law.

Every Video Game Should Have A Photo Mode

Like these pictures I took on Metal Gear Solid 2. That's my boy 'Ol Gimpy.

Tell 'em how it is Gimpy! Say it right!

I love it. I just wish every game had a mode like this. That's part of the reason I love GT4 so much. That and the... rest of game, I guess.

I'd Like To Thank My Studio Audience

I want to thank everybody who came to my B-day party. It was a lot of fun and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe that was the booze. But either way, it makes me happy to know that there are still people who can make the effort to at least pretend to like me. I'd also like to thank my friends at work who loaded me up with so much sugar I didn't sleep all weekend.

In Memory Of My Yellow Dog

I had a dream about my dog, Amei-Chan. We were playing in the front yard with my mom and everything was good. She rolled around and did that thing where she scratched her snout with her front paws. Then I remembered she was dead. I woke up after that. It made me really sad. But I was happy to have that dream about her. Almost like it was as close to her as I could get. I've never wanted to rub her stinky belly so much.

Oh well. It was a much better dream than the one I had the night before. For some reason I had to avenge my father's death by killing Boss Hogg from the Dukes Of Hazard. I couldn't get to him though. Bastard. You can run now, since I'm not asleep! And you just keep on running, you son of a bitch! I'll catch up to you some night!

Anatomy of a Hiatus

For the complete story about the kittens, go to myspace. Friends only... bitches.

Quote Of The Day

Christina: "They're playing Nigeria?"
Sarah: "That's Niagara."

On the Kansas Vs Niagara tournament game.

The suspect is hatless, repeat hatless.

We went to see Reno 911 Friday night and that shit was hilarious. Just wrong, in every way you can imagine. Everyone should see it now. I mean now. Get up, put on your shoes and git gone foo! Anyways, my parents asked me if I wanted to see 300 today but I had to decline. I would have been skinned alive for seeing two movies without Sarah. For which I must make a public apology. I never take her to the movies when she wants to go and as a result, about five of the films she wanted to see are now on DVD. My bad. But in my defense, she usually springs it on me right when i get home from work when I'm ready to crash. I'm not an entire asshole and I did take her to see Pan's Labyrinth, which was amazing but not what I was expecting at all. The preview made it look like a Jim Henson type film and while we are watching it people are getting shot left and right, buck buck. I had no idea it was a WWII era film. So in closing take yo self to Reno and Sandy and Tonya totally stood us up, booya!

Got Damn!

And I think that says it all...

The Incredible Bulk (of 2 hour long not smashing)

So i finally got around to seeing The Incredible Hulk, 3 years after it's release, and the only thing I can say is it put me to sleep. Literally. Why in all those two hours where there about 15 minutes of smashing? More proof that Hollywood doesn't know anything about the films it produces. I keep telling people they should let me make movies. My Hulk film would have been two hours of the Hulk smashing shit with about three and a half minutes of dialogue. Granted I about stood up on the couch when he was fighting the tanks, yelling "smash, smash" but as great as that short lived scene was, it wasn't enough. All we needed to see was him get pissed off and fight a legion of the Leader's robot army. Who gives a shit about his dad and his love life. More of Hollywood deciding for us what we want to see. I didn't want to see Mary Jane live at the end of Spiderman; I wanted to see Gwen Stacy die (as terrible as that sounds). I didn't want to see random made for movie characters jumping off walls and kicking zombie dogs such as in what was supposed to be Resident Evil. And I definitely did not want to see an Xmen movie with a weepy prepubescent Rouge who did not have super-strength or could fly. Who writes this shit and what grade school did they flunk out of. The Hulk, much like these and many other movies, are the train wrecks that happen when they take a fanboy driven idea and put their own little spin on it, thus completely negating what it was that made it cool in the first place.

Suck It Boston

In Ignigtnot's voice: "Your fear is warranted, for we have our Quad-laser aimed and are ready to bring destruction to all your craps...er crops."

For Tomorrow

My older sister, Emily, returned today to her home in Chicago. Since it was the first chance she has had to visit since before Christmas when she arrived she came with gifts in tow. She works in the largest Borders bookstore in the states and due to this feature, she is able to come into, if only minor, contact with celebrities who enter this store. This would be the second year I have received a comic book as a Christmas present. The special thing about these comics are that last year Jim Lee came into the store with Jeph Loeb. I have a copy of the Batman story "Hush" parts one and two, signed by Jim Lee with a doodle of Batman in one and of the Joker in the other. How awesome is that. Well, like I said, she returned this year with gifts in tow. And in this installment was a hardbound copy of "For Tomorrow" volume one signed once again by Jim Lee. Fucking sweet. He had signed these while in the store so they weren't made out to me or anything but I'm sure you'll agree that it's still fucking sweet. It also included a doodle of the Man of Steel himself. As Homer would say "Jealous? You're jealous. " Fucking sweet.

If You Don't Care If I'm Seventy And You Think I'm Sexy

As I sit at gunpoint at work (because I've threatened to run) listening to Rod Stewart, I have to ask- Can anyone think of a song he has written in the last twenty years. I swear, every song I've heard by him has been a cover. Has the man ever sung an original song in his life. Nate assures me he did when he was a member of some band. But these days? He just relies on women in their forties and fifties who remember him before he looked like a shined piece of leather and thought he was "sexy" to buy his albums. "Whoo-Hoo, he still has it!"

Celebrities Shouldn't Be Celebrites

I know I just posted about the suckness of The Simpsons, but I felt I need to at least say this: I liked the guest stars as characters, not as themselves. Except for Ron Howard, because he is always in a bathrobe. But it just seems as the seasons progressed and their popularity increased, so did more celebrities playing themselves. I already hate most of them in real life. I don't want to see them in cartoon world playing themselves. There are episodes where it works, but for the most part it just shows the egotism involved in being a "celebrity." They can't show up unless they get to play themselves. Usually when this happens, there is a crappy script written around how to get the celebrity on the show. Everyone suffers in this case.

It's A New Year, Blah, Blah Blah.

Since I completely missed posting about the changing of the guard, I figured I'd go ahead and do it now. This year threatens to be the scariest ever. I'll be twenty-nine this birthday(gasp!). Only another year before the big three-0. Also there is the possibility Sarah and I will be moving. If she gets into a grad school outside Wichita then its Now Leaving Wichita for real. I've never lived anywhere else and that makes me a little apprehensive about it. There's all the starting over bullshit we'll both have to go through. other than that, I figure '07 won't be as big a deal as '06. I have a whole list of life goals and resolutions I plan to not achieve just like last year. School is looking more and more tolerable and may even become an actual possibility. The only reason I really have for not going back is just because I don't want to. Everyday at works does something to reverse that though. Who knows? At the risk of sounding cliche; It's a new year.

'Ol Grey Mule, She Ain't What She Used to Be

Why was the Burger King commercial for the Texas Double Whopper funnier than the Simpson's episode? And the commercial wasn't really that funny. It's at the point where I like watching American Dad more than them. And that's saying a lot. Boo-urns.